November 13, 2008
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Filed Under (Politics) by justin

Dear Ms.Mrs. (I’m sure real Americans get offended by such modernity) Palin:

Let’s be friends. Friends make their friends look like idiots for fun sometimes, but they don’t let them make themselves look dumb. That said, I keep reading news pieces about how you might want to make a run at the presidency in four years. I offer you my best wishes. And this advice.

If you really want to be the next President, stop talking about it.

You managed to make a few friends in this election. Those real Americans you kept talking about are, no doubt, stirred by your potential. Let’s learn from this election, though. You lost. That means you didn’t make enough friends.

So let’s solve that problem. To do so, we need to find the causes of the problem (consider that your first lesson).

You made some pretty big mistakes. You kind of looked like a moron during your interview with Katie Couric. And you need to admit it.

I’m not talking the things you stand for. I even agree with you on at least a few of the more controversial ones. I, too, would like to see abortion stopped. I, too, believe in God enough to say He isn’t lying in the beginning of his Bible. And most Americans can overlook what they deem to be religious fanaticism, anyway (you haven’t already forgotten our President-elect’s pastor, have you?).

I’m talking about the fact that you didn’t know anything about politics or history. That was the real problem.

Also, let’s address the fact that you never addressed facts. That, too, was a problem.

Yes, politicians spin things and avoid questions. They do it by spewing tons of conflicting and vague details, not by avoiding cameras and pledging their allegiance to ‘gee, so many’ Supreme Court decisions.

You don’t know how to talk to the public. Not to enough of the public to get elected, anyway. So stop.

Remember that one guy—the guy who won the election? He is talking a lot. He can do that. He has things to say. You don’t. So don’t.

You don’t yet have the persona to get elected. You do have time to change that persona. Hide away for the next two and a half years and learn the things politicians have to know. If you can emerge from a quiet respite and surprise everyone with poise, charm and intelligence, you will have helped yourself a lot.

Oh, and you may want to avoid corruption. And stop calling people who don’t agree with you un-American. But that’s entirely up to you.

I hope you find direction for your future. Don’t worry, you don’t become President overnight. It takes at least a year or two. Ask Barack.

Oh, and don’t stay up all night fretting about how to proceed—given the length of your nights, that could prove fatal, and then this letter will be wasted.

Sincerely,
Justin



November 07, 2008
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Filed Under (Politics) by justin

My unorthodox method of news browsing led me to CNN’s report on President-Elect Obama’s pick for chief of staff from the Onion‘s recent videos. It was an enlightening experience I’ll recommend.

Start here. Watch a few of the videos, including this one.

Then go here.

If you care, report back here.